Driving in LA is a competitive sport. Not of the driving kind of course, but one of appearance and style. When I first arrived in this city many years ago, I was shocked there were not more accidents in this town from the amount of rubber-necking that goes on when driving. How the hell do people drive when constantly looking in each other’s windows? The fact is that tourists, out-of-towners and even the natives can’t help but look in the car next to them when a sleek Mercedes AMG G55 with tinted windows and ridiculous dubs pulls up next to them. “Wait! It could be somebody! We must look!” It is the most hysterical thing on the planet because everyone does it. Little do they know that most of the high-end Bentleys, Lambos and Benzos in LA are driven by wealthy Persian real-estaters sporting so much cologne you can smell it from their silver encased mufflers. No, I’m sorry, that’s not Jennifer Aniston. Visitors always look at you like, “how could that not be her? Look at that nice car!” Well everyone in LA has a nice car (or almost everyone). The lease deals in what the car industry calls “the smile state” are out of this world. You too could have a Lambo if you have 3 mortgages on your house and $100K in credit card debt. What’s funny is that folks actually think something might happen if they do spot a celeb in the car. Do you think they’re going to step outside their chariot and give you an autograph at Olympic and La Cienega? I don’t think so. But still we stare.

Lots happens on our roads. To be sure, there are hook-up tales, music-deal tales and many more. All you have to do is slide down those tinted windows, blast your latest rap tune and hope somebody of influence will hear it. I’ve heard of talent doing this by driving on Burton Way, down Canon and up Camden past the tenpercenteries. You know this because you could hear a pin drop in Beverly Hills so when “Drop that Ho” starts blaring down Camden, you know something is up. Hey, gotta give them kudos for creativity. Pulling up next to a car in which you have interest is always laughable as well. Every male has visions of pulling up next to a surgically enhanced hot blonde with new Gucci sunglasses scantily encased in her Porsche when she will suddenly turn and ask you out. Yes, guys still think this will happen thanks to Christie Brinkley which is why cars seem to have broken down when the light turns green in some parts of our fair city. This does happen and it starts by asking for directions. People ask for directions a lot in Beverly Hills. It’s not that big folks.

The de rigeur accessory, of course, are your sunglasses. Do not even think of driving in LA without the coolest pair on the market. Sunglasses make your car style and nowhere else do they look as cool and chic as when you’re driving but I’m shocked that anyone can actually see the damn road. Everyone buys the high-end specs because they think the $300 aviators will transform them into somebody but the combination of Dior and Platinum Tinted Windows almost ensures that red light sort of looked green. And speaking of tinted windows, I’m convinced celebs and LA denizens alike get a kick out of people staring at them at stoplights yet they insist on the tinted windows. I get celebs – the paparazzi is crazy out here but us regular people? Is anyone watching the road? All of this makes driving very interesting in LA and the well-worn task of driving will probably get even more entertaining because, in the end, LA is our nation’s zoo where everyone comes to look at the celebrity animals, and cars are our custom crafted golf carts. Just stay on the path and you might see the Jolie-Pitt tiger, a rare species that comes out of its Malibu Cave only twice a year.