Now that awards season is upon us, America will soon be treated to countless behind-the-scenes, red-carpet arrival and post-party coverage from the likes of E!, Extra and Access Hollywood on every major award show from the Oscars and Independent Spirit Awards to the Golden Globes and People’s Best Ass awards (not really but I’m sure they’ll have this one soon). Yes, our trusted entertainment networks will ensure that you too can hang out with Jennifer Aniston and see what really goes on at the after-parties – the only thing people really care about in the first place by the way. However, the fact of the matter is that you will see nothing that actually goes on at the after parties. Of course you know that there is countless PR spin in what gets shown to the American public but a standard “oh-we’re-here-but-we-have-to-leave-soon” statement has crept into the post-awards show party coverage that demands debunking immediately. And I’m sure you’ve heard it.

Entertainment Reporter: “So, you’ve just been a big winner tonight, are you going to have fun and celebrate?”

Star: “Oh my gosh. We’re just taking this all in. But I have an early call tomorrow so there won’t be much partying tonight!”

(or the other line I like)

Star: “Oh I’d love to stay all night but I have a taping in New York City first thing tomorrow so I have to fly out on the red eye tonight!”

Although I cannot count how many awards parties I’ve attended, I can almost assure you that the Big Hollywood Star that just told Billy Bush they have an early call tomorrow has no such thing and will proceed to down two bottles of Dom and a vintage Opus before calling it a night. The Hollywood star just got a huge award and he/she/it is not going to celebrate and gloat in front of he/she/it’s friends? Ha! I’ve heard this ruse too many times and it’s high time everyone know about it. Why do I care? Because Hollywood and LA has gotten so PC driven and PR manipulated that everyone in this town is afraid to say that they actually like to have fun. Hell if I won the Academy Award I’d tell everyone that I was going to party all night and would have arranged a later call date with the producers the day before. Come on LA, America is smarter than that. Don’t you think producers and directors know that a big LA awards party is happening and that many of their stars might be late for the 5:00a.m. call time? I’ve seen those same stars claiming to have an early call time end up being the biggest partyers in the joint and I just wonder why they couldn’t have told the truth. This is Hollywood people! What do they think America is going to think? Oh my gosh, Nicole Kidman said that she was going to have a glass or two of champagne – alcoholic! I will never watch any of her movies! She said she was going to have fun! They can’t have fun – they are only allowed to be anorexic, act and look good in clothes! They can’t have champagne. What is this world coming to!

For the love of all things lively why go to an after-party if there is no party in your after. We all need to admit that it’s okay to have fun every once in awhile. Given how celebrity obsessed our world is today, maybe if celebs started saying that they were going to have a few, the rest of the world would rest easy knowing that, hey, “Stars! They’re just like Us! They drink red wine!”

A new game for you. Hold an awards party drinking game. Count how many stars say that they have an early morning call or who have to fly to New York “tonight” and I guarantee your awards party will be a lot less boring this year.

photo credit: associated content